


Probably Not What Mendel Had In Mind

by TheseusInTheMaze



Series: Kinkbruary 2021 [26]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Banter, Cunnilingus, F/F, Figging, Genital Torture, Kinkbruary (Doctor Who), Multiple Orgasms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:40:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29722926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: The Doctor and River find an old greenhouse, squirreled away in the TARDIS. It's got some unexpected surprises.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Series: Kinkbruary 2021 [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139585
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Probably Not What Mendel Had In Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Kinkbruary day 26! Genital torture, which I did figging for!

"Darling," River said, and she sounded faintly nonplussed, "what are you putting in your fertilizer?" 

The Doctor looked up from the line of tomato plants she had been investigating. The tomatoes dotting it were very small - roughly the size of the first joint of her thumb - but very numerous. They were also violently purple, which humans found off-putting for some reason. 

"Oh, y'know," the Doctor said. "Bit of this, bit of that. Try to keep it all natural, although I know that's an unregulated term for the most part, and anyway, loads of unhealthy stuff is natural. Like arsenic, or nightshade, and those aren't things you'd want to eat. Although then again, tomatoes are nightshades..." She tucked a sweaty piece of hair behind one ear - she hadn't been in this greenhouse in a _long_ time. The TARDIS had set it up for Peri originally, and then the Doctor had forgotten about it. 

"I don't think I've ever seen a ginger root quite like... this," River said. 

The Doctor looked over her shoulders, and her eyes went wide. "Oh wow," she said. "I think that it might have been crossed with a carrot?" 

It was indeed a ginger root - there was the familiar gnarled, rough texture, and the slightly pungent smell. But it was long, and instead of numerous long, skinny fingers, it was a single long, blunt shape. It was big, too - almost as long as the Doctor's forearm. 

"Why would you crossbreed a ginger root with a carrot?" River hefted the thing, and something about her expression was making the Doctor's stomach twist up in interesting ways. 

"Peri did a lot of experiments," said the Doctor. "I think the TARDIS liked to enable her, so sometimes things got a little... odd. And since I haven't been 'round in a while. Not since the last time I were blond, I think. And you know, when plants are left on their own they crossbreed, and the TARDIS has been enabling all of that as well, so... well, things went weird." 

"I can see," said River, and she hefted the giant ginger root, her expression critical. 

"Imagine what kind of concoctions Mel would have had me drinking, if she'd gotten her hands on _that_ ," the Doctor said, and she gave a little shiver. 

"Does it have the properties of regular ginger, I wonder," River said, her tone thoughtful, and she pulled a little knife out of her pocket and scraped the skin off of the ginger. She brought it up to her nose, took a sniff. " _Woof_. Oh, definitely."

"Let me see," said Doctor said, and she took the root herself, sniffing it, then turning her face away to sneeze. "Wow, that's strong." She handed it back to River. 

"Seems that the sugars from the carrot have joined up with the sharpness of the ginger," the Doctor said, her expression thoughtful. "It'll make one humdinger of a stir fry, I'll tell you what." 

"I wasn't thinking about stir fry," River said, and her expression was beginning to drift towards lecherous. It did not, admittedly, need to drift very far to get there. 

"No?" The Doctor frowned. "Gingerbread? Gingersnaps? Ginger beer?" 

River was still smirking. 

"... ginger tea?" The Doctor tried. She as drawing a blank, and River grinning like the cat that got the cream was beginning to put her on edge.

"Oh my _love_ ," River purred.

The Doctor's stomach did a little swoop, the way it always did when River was in this kind of mood.

"Doctor," River said, "do you, by any chance, know what figging is?" 

"Does it have anything to do with fig jam?" The Doctor frowned. It sounded familiar, but for some reason it seemed to be just out of reach. Maybe it had been replaced with some other interesting fact. Or maybe it was related to the life cycle of figs, which was something that the Doctor tried not to think about too much, because... urgh. 

River's grin only grew wider. 

The Doctor's hearts sped up, and she was aware that she was starting to blush. Whatever she was about to learn about, it was bound to be... interesting.

-*-

"Oh," the Doctor mumbled, and she squirmed, as River's fingers curled inside of the sticky wetness of her cunt. "Oh, that's... that's good, that's very..." 

"Isn't it, though?" River sounded more amused than anything else, and the Doctor might have been annoyed at that, except the things River was doing with her fingers were making stars explode behind her ears. How was she so _good_ at that?

"You're very good," the Doctor said, and her tongue was thick and heavy in her mouth. She ground her hips forward, and she made an embarrassing noise, as River's fingertips rubbed against her g-spot, and River's thumb passed over her clit in quick, easy circles.

"I know," River said, and she was smirking. "I don't know why you're always so surprised, every time," she said, and she rubbed a little harder with both fingers, as if she was trying to press them together. 

The Doctor squeaked, and she planted her feet, to make it easier to thrust up into it.

And then River's fingers were being withdrawn - the Doctor's cunt grasped around them desperately, trying to keep them inside of her. But no, River was... rubbing the Doctors' slick along the mutated ginger root, the same way she rubbed lube onto a dildo, and the Doctor clenched around nothing, remembering the feeling of that. 

"This may leave me a little loopy," she warned River. "You know how it is, with Time Lords and ginger."

"I'm prepared for that eventuality, yes," River said. She pressed the edge of the ginger root along the line of the Doctor's slit, and it set off a line of tingles that made the Doctor pause.

She'd been close to coming - River always had the ability to take her right to the edge, especially in this body - and the tingle seemed to be... moreso. She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate, and then she grunted, as the tip of the ginger root began to slide inside of her. There were a few moments where it didn't feel like much of anything, apart from the blunt pressure of something inside of her. And then...

"It _burns_ ," the Doctor gasped, and her heels dug into the duvet. "River, it burns!"

"That's a thing it usually does, yes," River said dryly, as she pushed the ginger root in a little deeper. "You're lucky that you've got a fancy one like this," she added. "The last time I did this, it was with proper Earth ginger, and that's knobbly as anything."

The Doctor tried to imagine River submitting to something like this, but it was hard to hold on to the thought, hard to hold on to _any_ thought, because the burning seemed to be moving through her in waves. It was forcing her cunt to clench and relax, and each clench seemed to make the burning that much worse. 

"Oh, you're turning so _red_ ," River said, and she leaned forward, her curly hair ticklish against the Doctor's belly, her inner thighs. Her tongue was hot and slick against the Doctor's clit, and she used one hand to awkwardly thrust the ginger. She was doing other things with her mouth, the Doctor was sure of it, because everything seemed to stop and speed up in turn, and that couldn’t be _natural_ , could it? Unless that was the ginger in the Doctor’s system, leaving her head spinning. She tried to ride it, tried not to fall too deep into analyzing the sensations, because _oh_ , were there so many sensations. 

The Doctor's toes curled against River's bare hip, and her wife hummed, the sensation buzzing around the Doctor's clit. The Doctor ended up clutching at River's hair, keeping her in place. Her head was starting to spin, from the ginger, from the pain, the pleasure. She was drifting a little bit left of herself, but that didn't matter, because it was all so _much_ , when was the last time she'd felt this much?

She'd never paid this much attention to her cunt before, and she was aware of every inch that was being caressed by the ginger, the delicate skin enflamed from the irritant of the ginger. The Doctor's hips were bucking up to meet it, and she didn't know where she was going, what was _happening_ , except that her orgasm was hovering over her, like a piano on a rope. 

... that was an odd simile, maybe she'd been watching too many cartoons as of late. Or maybe her thoughts were all ricocheting against each other, and one of her hands went to her hair, twisting it around her fingers. She clutched, the burning between her legs getting stronger, and the pleasure that was building in the base of her gut flared, and seemed to meet up with the burning pain in her cunt, and the orgasm that burst out of her made her gasp.

River's tongue pushed her through the orgasm, into another one, and the ginger was making everything feel that much more _real_ , as if she was just observing everything as a third party. The muscles of her stomach kept twitching, and her cunt was still tender, as the long ginger root was pulled out of it. She sighed, trembling, and River pressed a soft little kiss to her belly.

“And just think,” River said, when the Doctor could open her eyes and look at River with something vaguely approaching coherency, “we’ve got eleven more pots, just like this one.” She smiled, a wide, toothy smile, and the Doctor’s tender, abused cunt gave a little twitch, as her hearts sped up.

**Author's Note:**

> Do you have an interest in Kinkbruary? You can find out more about it, including the prompts at https://twitter.com/_zaffrin/status/1352316453232504833
> 
> Also, come find me on twitter, TheseusInTheMaz!


End file.
